People come and go, a bit like buses, always or mostly always on the move. Situations change. Good things happen and not so good things happen. A bit like ex’s – some are good and some, well, definitely not so good.
‘Ex’ should mark the spot because ultimately, where ever and whenever the break up happened, it should stay there. I really am a firm believer in that, even though and don’t get me wrong, I’ve lameted a few that got away and perhaps in a nostalgia tinged moment years later wondered ‘what if?’, when it comes down to it, there’s no point living in the past.
Now I sound like that bloody book, ‘It’s called a break-up because it’s broken’.. I digress…
What I’m getting at here is essentially the fact that I’m not too fond of just looking up a past loves ‘just for old times sake’. Not a very Mills & Boon thing to say, but I just don’t see the point – you’ve moved on, they’ve moved on, everyone is older and the hope of happily ever after is the reality of a mere fleeting glimpse of contentment that comes along far less than you’d like it to.
I got an email from an ex last week, simply asking if I ‘was still around?’, just that, a one liner! I mean, what kind of an email is that? I wasn’t going to reply but I thought about it and a day or two later, I was in a generous mood so I replied. I told him that I was. Said how I’d changed jobs, told him where I was working and said that I was still living where I did when we went out. It wasn’t a 3 line email, it was friendly yet non committal, ie in girl code, I didn’t ask any deliberate questions that he might feel inclined to answer apart from a last line of ‘how are you?’ out of politeness.
I got a reply within a matter of hours. It was all upbeat and chatty, even longer than my reply. I read it in work and it was almost like a wave of disgust came over me – why was this guy mailing me? It’s been like 4 years. It was a very casual thing anyway and one day I just didn’t reply to his text nor pick up his subsequent phone call. Yeah, you’re right, I just couldn’t be arsed. Then I got to thinking… This guy was due to get married about 2 years ago. He met someone very soon after me and texted me to say he’d met someone else that he was really, really into – he sounded happy so I thought good luck to him. Then I bumped into him a few months later and he told me he was engaged. I fake smiled at him, whether he copped on to my insincerity or not, he was too busy telling me he was absolutely delighted for himself as he really, really wanted to get married and have kids. Whatever! Go do your thing. It really doesn’t factor high on my list of things I’m so happy about I could burst.
They were due to get married about a year and a half after that. I presume they did get married. I presumed they were still married until I started wondering why, if they are married, is he contacting me? Especially after all this time. Why would you contact an ex if you were happy with someone else? Why would you want to contact an ex if you’re not happy and risk find out that they’re living the absolute life of Reilly in daily raptures of complete joy? [Ok, Ok, I’m getting a little carried away but last thing you want to hear when you’re sad is that your ex is bordering on deliriously happy].
I just don’t get why he contacted me. And I definitely am not swayed by that old chestnut of him ‘just wanting to know how I was getting on’ – yeah right, something definitely smells a bit fishy. Did he get married? Is he still married? I don’t know. He used the very vague ‘…still working in XYZ place but might move on soon.. living in abc so I can walk to work…’ type of communication. No ‘I’m living’ or ‘We’re living’ – there was no mention of anyone else.
Anyway, the bottom line was that once I got thinking I decided to let him know where he stood. In his second email, amonst other things, he had asked how I had ended up working where I am now. My second email to him was very succinct, to the point. I answered his question, explained that my day to day job is now the flip side of what I used to do, said I like it and signed off. It wasn’t a rude email but it wasn’t a friendly one with questions galore to keep the new found old friendship going. No questions, no ‘talk soon’ or ‘keep in touch!’ – bleugh! I hate those crappy sayings that people reel off when they mean the opposite but give in to using the standard fob off type line.
To quote the very quotable Samantha Jones, ‘If you sleep with an ex and it’s good, you’re pissed off you’re not with them and if you sleep with an ex and it’s bad.. well.. then you’ve just slept with an ex’. And that’s tragic.