Another thing you need to know on this catch up, peeps – and we do need to catch up properly – is that there’s another group of men that have emerged on my horizon. OK, not so much emerged as come out in force lately, step forward and behold, ‘The Flirty Married’. The Flirty Married, FM, are sure of one thing and one thing only and that is that they need you to know that they exist. They don’t need you to know that they’re married, more about that later but they do want you to find them as fantastic as they ahem, know they are. Irresistible, like.
FM’s either may wear their wedding ring but one thing they won’t ever do is mention their wife or any aspect of their married life. They will always show lots of interest in you – ‘I like your hair\jewellery\top’ (see, classic from guys in a long term relationship, they know they should give compliments) or ‘That’s interesting, you know your stuff’ and they laugh at all the right things. Schooled you see. And then there’s the lingering looks, the way they’ll hold your gaze for just that smidgen too long, the way a guy that fancies you might, for instance. There’s the leaning in to properly hear what you’re saying. The way he’ll order you a drink as though you’re regular drinking partners.
I think the rule goes that if you don’t ask, you don’t tell. Now, it can take a few minutes of conversation, hello top left pocket of jeans, before you twig the ring, granted but the definite flirting can only mean one thing, this guy wants your attention which gives the impression that he wants you as well. The guy who doesn’t wear a ring gives himself away when he jumps a mile and races off to answer his phone. He may or not return but if he does it’s only to say, that he ‘has to go’. Cue roll of eyes and the feeling of a wasted conversation. Thanks for that.
I think it’s because of this that I’ve found myself on the receiving end of a number of FM’s recently. One was wearing his wedding ring the first time I met him. He wasn’t the second, third or fourth time and when he followed me into a bathroom at a party just to check I was ok (‘I’m peeing! Do you mind?!’) I had to say something. I had to ask, ‘Why are you being so touchy feely? Really? You’re married. I don’t need to be a scarlet lady. Why aren’t you wearing your wedding ring?’. He concluded that ‘Yeah I should be wearing it’ so I left him and a potential blow job looking very cosy on the couch. The older guy I mentioned in the post below eventually told me that while he was in a long term relationship but he didn’t live with his girlfriend. Oh well, that’s ok then, dinner on Thursday?
I’m not prepared to be your filler while you pretend to be a single man, thank you very much. If you tell me you’re married and the group of us are having a good chat and a drink, it could be great fun. And sure introduce me to one of your single mates while we’re at it. Or try to chat me up again when you’re single. It won’t be that long now, not the way you carry on.