My head hurts. I’m not sure which is causing the pain, the rock or the hard place but both are banging against my thought factory and causing me no end of pissed-off-ness. I feel like I’m constantly running towards the rock and then when I’m halfway there, I’m coming to a halt, turning around and wondering if heading towards the hard place would be less painful overall.
Now, I’m going to fore go the saga of the hows and whys regarding myself and McSmile being back on speaking terms, more than speaking terms again, just take it from me that we are, ok? That’s a whole other post, for another time, maybe. I was out last week and My Other Dad in no uncertain terms told me that he’s not impressed with McSmile. As I stood facing him, my face changed from one of laughter and a good night out to a raised eyebrow as I then stood, open mouthed, with this prickly feeling in my throat and behind my eyes. What he actually said was that he ‘didn’t like McSmile’ and that I ‘can do far better’ adding in that McSmile ‘isn’t good enough for me’ for good measure. He then proceeded to tell me that The Glamourous Blonde was ‘shocked.. no disgusted’ that I was back with McSmile. Apparently, I’m ‘on my own now’ in terms of what happens next with McSmile.
This is coming from a couple I know for a few years now, who seem very much in agreement of their dislike for the person that although I find it hard to use the term ‘boyfriend’, is most definitely the person I’ve been seeing for the last 7 months and it isn’t exactly what I wanted to hear.
Part of me was able to recall in an instant all the times McSmile was tetchy or cranky cos that’s how he is when he’s tired, the times he decided to go out with the lads at the last minute or didn’t reply to a text I sent and another part of me instantly thought of all the times he’s made me laugh, all the times we’ve drunkenly danced in his sitting room, the times he’s told me how good I look, the times he’s got up early to make the breakfast I wanted and the times I overheard him boasting about how I know way much more then him about sport to his mates.
A big part of me was disappointed. Disappointed that 2 people I consider good friends, 2 people I’ve often looked to for advice, from have made a decision whereby they simply don’t like the person I’m happy to spend days on end with every weekend.
‘Oh, so you’re just going to settle then, Glitter, huh?’ was one line that I felt was delivered with a little bit too much venom and it’s been replayed in my mind 100 times since. After that came the line ‘Well, The Glamourous Blonde has said that you’re on you’re own now as far as she’s concerned’ – double whammy. I’ve always valued their opinion, that’s the thing. And they’ve always been there to pick me up, pass on sage words and tell me that things will work out. Now, I just get the feeling that I’m being edged out.
It was very obvious to me that The Glamorous Blonde no more wanted a conversation with McSmile when he walked into the pub the other night. ‘Frosty’ is how I’d describe her reaction to him. Stilted conversation for a few minutes as he tries to strike up a conversation with her, anyone? Oh, I was just sitting there thinking that she’s probably trying to bore a hole between his eyes every time she looks at him. And he noticed it too, I know he did. Mind, it was only My Other Dad’s complete blanking of McSmile that he mentioned, asked if I also thought My Other Dad was acting a bit weird. I could only dismiss it quickly and try to change the topic of conversation.
I do believe that My Other Dad said all those things out of genuine concern. But guys have no tact whatsoever and he may not even realise how upset I am about these revelations. The Glamorous Blonde may or may not know that I know what she said, it’s not really something I want to bring up with her though. But one way or another, something will have to be said as I’ve to find out if my invitation to stay with them during Galway Raceweek still extends to McSmile as well. We were thinking of booking into a cheap and cheerful hotel for a couple of nights anyway, bit of privacy, but now I’m not even sure I want to go to raceweek as part of a bigger group that includes friends of this couple.
I’m tempted to ask McSmile if he wants to just bugger off somewhere else entirely, a bit of sun, no one we know.. I’ve taken the week off work anyway.. But then he’ll want to know why I don’t want to go to Raceweek as I’ve only like mentioned it about 15 times!
I still don’t know how I feel about finding out that McSmile isn’t exactly one of their favourite people. Part of me knows they are looking out for me, part of me wants to tell them that as they haven’t a clue what it’s like to be practically the only singleton I know, that maybe they should keep their opinions to themselves and who are they to judge my relationship with McSmile anyway?
My head still hurts and I’m still smack bang in the middle of a rock and a hard place.