Rock and a Hard Place

blonde-goth-21My head hurts. I’m not sure which is causing the pain, the rock or the hard place but both are banging against my thought factory and causing me no end of pissed-off-ness. I feel like I’m constantly running towards the rock and then when I’m halfway there, I’m coming to a halt, turning around and wondering if heading towards the hard place would be less painful overall.

Now, I’m going to fore go the saga of the hows and whys regarding myself and McSmile being back on speaking terms, more than speaking terms again, just take it from me that we are, ok? That’s a whole other post, for another time, maybe. I was out last week and My Other Dad in no uncertain terms told me that he’s not impressed with McSmile. As I stood facing him, my face changed from one of laughter and a good night out to a raised eyebrow as I then stood, open mouthed, with this prickly feeling in my throat and behind my eyes. What he actually said was that he ‘didn’t like McSmile’ and that I ‘can do far better’ adding in that McSmile ‘isn’t good enough for me’ for good measure. He then proceeded to tell me that The Glamourous Blonde was ‘shocked.. no disgusted’ that I was back with McSmile. Apparently, I’m ‘on my own now’ in terms of what happens next with McSmile.

This is coming from a couple I know for a few years now, who seem very much in agreement of their dislike for the person that although I find it hard to use the term ‘boyfriend’, is most definitely the person I’ve been seeing for the last 7 months and it isn’t exactly what I wanted to hear.

Part of me was able to recall in an instant all the times McSmile was tetchy or cranky cos that’s how he is when he’s tired, the times he decided to go out with the lads at the last minute or didn’t reply to a text I sent and another part of me instantly thought of all the times he’s made me laugh, all the times we’ve drunkenly danced in his sitting room, the times he’s told me how good I look, the times he’s got up early to make the breakfast I wanted and the times I overheard him boasting about how I know way much more then him about sport to his mates.

A big part of me was disappointed. Disappointed that 2 people I consider good friends, 2 people I’ve often looked to for advice, from have made a decision whereby they simply don’t like the person I’m happy to spend days on end with every weekend.

‘Oh, so you’re just going to settle then, Glitter, huh?’ was one line that I felt was delivered with a little bit too much venom and it’s been replayed in my mind 100 times since. After that came the line ‘Well, The Glamourous Blonde has said that you’re on you’re own now as far as she’s concerned’ – double whammy. I’ve always valued their opinion, that’s the thing. And they’ve always been there to pick me up, pass on sage words and tell me that things will work out. Now, I just get the feeling that I’m being edged out.

It was very obvious to me that The Glamorous Blonde no more wanted a conversation with McSmile when he walked into the pub the other night. ‘Frosty’ is how I’d describe her reaction to him. Stilted conversation for a few minutes as he tries to strike up a conversation with her, anyone? Oh, I was just sitting there thinking that she’s probably trying to bore a hole between his eyes every time she looks at him. And he noticed it too, I know he did. Mind, it was only My Other Dad’s complete blanking of McSmile that he mentioned, asked if I also thought My Other Dad was acting a bit weird. I could only dismiss it quickly and try to change the topic of conversation.

I do believe that My Other Dad said all those things out of genuine concern. But guys have no tact whatsoever and he may not even realise how upset I am about these revelations. The Glamorous Blonde may or may not know that I know what she said, it’s not really something I want to bring up with her though. But one way or another, something will have to be said as I’ve to find out if my invitation to stay with them during Galway Raceweek still extends to McSmile as well. We were thinking of booking into a cheap and cheerful hotel for a couple of nights anyway, bit of privacy, but now I’m not even sure I want to go to raceweek as part of a bigger group that includes friends of this couple.

I’m tempted to ask McSmile if he wants to just bugger off somewhere else entirely, a bit of sun, no one we know.. I’ve taken the week off work anyway.. But then he’ll want to know why I don’t want to go to Raceweek as I’ve only like mentioned it about 15 times!

I still don’t know how I feel about finding out that McSmile isn’t exactly one of their favourite people. Part of me knows they are looking out for me, part of me wants to tell them that as they haven’t a clue what it’s like to be practically the only singleton I know, that maybe they should keep their opinions to themselves and who are they to judge my relationship with McSmile anyway?

My head still hurts and I’m still smack bang in the middle of a rock and a hard place.

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8 responses to “Rock and a Hard Place

  1. oh dear, i hate these situations. i must say firstly at least your other dad is being honest with you. i must also confess that i too have had my doubts about the way mcsmile has treated you..picking you up and putting you down and making you unhappy isn’t great….the whole america thing was plain ole mean. however, i also know how it is to really like someone and love their company and what it’s like to be one of the only singles in a group…my jury is still out a bit on him pet if i’m honest, however, i know you have one eye open on him and i hope you stay that way for a while.
    don’t fall out with your other dad, probs took a lot of courage to say that to ya. i like the sound of him! agree to disagree methinks.
    god but i’m vay waffly today!xxx

  2. I came out of a sort of similar situation a little while ago. My ex and I went out for 6 years and over those years we broke up twice. I say we, when I mean he broke up with me. As a result, my friends and family liked him less and less and I could never see why they didn’t like him. Now, looking back on it with a clearer head, I can completely see the light, although it’s so hard to when you’re still in love with that person.

    All I can say is follow your heart and your head. I didn’t listen to people’s advice and maybe I should have, but maybe it was something I needed to learn for myself.

    Janey I’m full of contradictions here sorry, and it’s a ridiculously long comment, but just mind yourself and most of all, be happy!

  3. hmm.. ta for the comments girlies.. thing is, i don’t think mcsmile is perfect – who is – but i don’t even know if he’s perfect for me! as things stand, i like spending time w him and it’s harder to find people as you get older
    one thing i can say is that i haven’t met anyone that even comes close to mcsmile for a long, long time
    oh, i don’t feel like i know anything about anything anymore!!

  4. GK – You DO know. You know how you feel, right now, about McSmile. And it’s good. I adore Hubby but Jesus he drives me nuts sometimes! We’re all human and we just do that to each other. Trust yourself. This is going to have to be one of those times when you and Your Other Dad are going to have to agree to disagree.

  5. Karen Quinn

    Hi Glitter

    You don’t know me but I found your blog through the beaut.ie blog (unfortunately it got blocked at work and I cant really look during the day anymore..Poo!) and have been reading it since you started it, very enjoyable might I add…

    I sympathise with your current situation, its really shit when family and friends are not keen on your choice of boyfriend/partner/husband.

    I went out with a guy who was fantastic for five years and my family were never very keen on him. I think now I see that they were just looking out for me and worried I was getting tied down with someone who was a little bit on the controlling side. I don’t really think that was the case and to be honest I don’t think they realised how great we were together and how happy he made me.

    I learned quite quickly to keep my own counsel in respect of any issues within the relationship as if I mentioned any problems to my family, it was almost like giving them more ammunition and whilst I would forgive and forget and everything would be fine between us, they were happy to flag it up at any given time as an indication of why he wasn’t good enough for me. That was frustrating because obviously they didn’t understand the depth of feeling between us and why I could get over whatever had happened.

    I’m sure the people in your life are thinking they are perfectly within their rights not to like the guy and behave in a frosty manner towards him but that is simply making things awkward for you. I think they need to accept that you have made your own decision about the guy and respect that. By the same token things might be easier in the future if they are not privy to the fall-outs that occur. Not an ideal situation if you are close to the people in question and would seek advice from them but possibly sensible if you cannot rely on them to remain non-judgemental and accept the course of action you choose in respect of the relationship.

    Hope it all works out for you.

  6. i’ve taken on board all the comments here – karen, i really appreciate the time you in particular took to comment! – and i think quite a bit of it has to do with me being a bit ‘meh’ overall..
    job is ok, i’d like to be busier, don’t know where it’s going but love the people i work with
    i’ve feck all money after taking a pay cut from previous job – and that kind of stuff does matter on a day to day basis
    i’m getting itchy again.. i want to do stuff, i want to go places..

    oh i know it’s a complete ‘time will tell’ situation!
    x

  7. I had this too with Hubby. We split for a while when #1 was teeny, and it was all rather acrimonious. Then when we got back together my parents obviously felt I wasn’t doing the right thing and were – well, snotty with him.

    Thing is, Glitters, at the end of the day it’s your life and your relationship, and I’m sure they’ll always love you and support you whatever you choose to do – it’ll just take time.

    I mean look at us – 13 years later and we’re still together and Hubby gets on great with my folks. If it’s what you want, keep him, but only you get to decide xxx

  8. EM – i think it is an ‘over time’ thing as well.. people do forgive and forget.. maybe if i’m still w mcsmile in a while from now they’ll begin to consider him in a different way…
    now, i might’ve dumped him by then, so we’ll see!! hehe…

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