Does My Bum Look Big In This?

ditaprivatepartyLast Sunday was a blast. It was one of those totally unplanned days that seemed to go on forever, without the knowledge of knowing what would happen next. It started out with McSmile announcing that we should go for brunch – eating out again and drinking during the day AGAIN was sure doing a lot for our plan not to spend the equivalent to the GNP of a small country per weekend.. for the ahem, second weekend in a row since we made the decision. We couldn’t decide where to eat as we strolled into town. The Mermaid Cafe ‘looked too busy’, there was ‘bound to be somewhere in Temple Bar, I ‘didn’t want to eat Mexican’ [Oh the thoughts! My stomach was still very delicate from the night before] and eventually McSmile had the brainwave of ‘Sure let’s just go to X and Y’s place!’, X and Y being friend’s of his that own a great cafe/restaurant in the city centre. Result!

X was there and within 2 minutes a window table was free and ours. As soon as we walked in I just knew it was going to be one of those giggly days that would go straight down the path to copious drinking and general ducking and diving. And maybe it was because we were really just topping up on the alcohol from the night before. X sat with us and started telling us about his recent trip to New Zealand which included getting stranded in the middle of nowhere after a cop took his hire car off him for speeding, a gorge swing from 109m, a ‘meet the parents’ couple of days, hardcore partying with a bunch of strippers and getting his hand bitten by a girl when he wouldn’t give her his drink [only one of these things happened when he was with his girlfriend, guess which one!]

‘Hey, do ye want to go to a fashion show?’ It’s like, I dunno, some kind of fashion show with clothes and girls and stuff. It’s an invite only thing, I’ve a couple of tickets. Says on the invite that there’ll be champagne’

Can you tell where this was going? I was lucky to be able to see at that point, having had a half bottle of vino and then a ‘Fuckit, order another one’ suggestion from McSmile, brought total alcohol up to a bottle of wine, by myselfand about 100 bottles of beer for McSmile. It was about 5pm. Yes, really.

We walked up the stairs, the guys having, of course, asked the poor guy on the door if there was any goody bags on offer and then promptly fell into glasses of champagne. There were rails of clothes and a makeshift catwalk boxed off by two straight lines of tea lights on the wooden floor.

‘So, like, is there going to be like a fashion show thing?, asked McSmile, ‘or do we just drink champagne and look at the clothes on the rails?’ as he walked across the makeshift catwalk, threatening to turn the tea lights  into skittles.

‘Eh hello! You’ve just walked across it!’

‘Oh. Right’.

We perused the clothes, X went off and came back with three more glasses of champagne, the place fell silent and the curtains came back, the show was starting.

The first guy that walked out looked completely morto as he strutted his stuff to a whole gaggle of girls that were obviously mates of his standing right beside us. The next time he came out he looked very reassured to have a ‘real’ model by his side! It was clearly a mix of real and not real models as guys and girls of various heights and weights kept the show on the road for about 20 minutes. Not long into the show, the two lads started getting a bit excited about some of the clothes.

‘Hey. what do you think of that? I think it’s ok, might suit me, right?’

‘Yeah, think it would man, are ye like thinking of getting it?’

After the show there was a general descending onto the clothes rails. McSmile disappeared from my left, X from my right and I was just standing there until one of them called me,

‘Hey Glitter.. what do you think of this shirt? Kinda nice, huh?’

‘Glitter, Glitter, would this go with, y’know the jeans I have, the ones, ye know…’

‘But Glitter, should I try the shirt on? Might as well, huh?’

I was a little shell shocked and decided to put down my empty glass of champagne and sure I could spot that there was still some on offer so feckit, I picked up another glass. I turned around to ask the guys if they wanted another glass. There was McSmile, now sporting a baseball cap, the price tag dangling on his shoulder, he was standing in front of the mirror seeing how it looked with his RayBans that had been pulled out of his pocket. There was a girl from one of the labels talking to him as he turned this way and that, then she handed him a shirt and the two of them were utterly engrossed in conversation.

‘Glitter, so, well, what do you think? I’m not sure. I think I’m too tall for them, they need to be baggier to suit my legs.’

X had now tried on the combats he’d been eyeing up.

‘Hey Glitter! Come over here!’, McSmile needed some reassurance. ‘What about this belt? [Belt! He now had a belt as well!] Is it me though? I’m not sure…’

‘Yes Darling, it’s you, you should get it, really nice… btw, how much stuff have you tried on by now?

‘So Glitter, I’m thinking I won’t get the combats’, X was getting a bit disheartened, ‘But hey! I kinda like this shirt!’

‘Oi! Gerroff! I’m buying that shirt X! And you’re not getting one as well, try on the white one, the collar is really nice, it’d suit you!’

OMG. I was really having to try hard in order to keep a straight face. I had to wander off, pretend to be interested in some of the clothes on the other side of the room, so I just left the drunk little fashion bitches to it for a bit. Now, I too was fairly drunk but I wasn’t causing mayhem, trying on everything in sight and hogging the mirrors so no one else could get near them, I was just walking around in my own champagne haze until I heard my name,

‘Glitter! There’s some jewellery over here!

‘OMG! how much are you actually buying?

‘Well, the shirt, the other shirt, the belt, I’m not sure about the jeans… I’m still deciding on the..’

‘Glitter, I decided to get the white shirt after all, McSmile reckoned I should…’

Oh god, I ended up roaring laughing at the two of them and they laughed as well. And then we celebrated a great afternoon by stumbling across the road to another pub. I’m a bit unsure about things after that.

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3 responses to “Does My Bum Look Big In This?

  1. random madness. i love days like that. lol

  2. The unplanned days are the best ones!

  3. Se la vi …Things you do on impulse are the best .

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