Crunch Time

march2beckhamlouboutins_thumbNow, this pic to the left consists of a person that I really and truly will never envy. She is what she is because she decided what she wanted out of life and set about getting it, which is fair enough you might say. But by getting it any which way she could and feck what might be some semblance of normality,  is what I say. Rigid fake smile which became a grimace as she *gasp* got older aside, Skeletor has become a parody of the female form and her *signature* wardrobe has become as androgynous as her womanly hips. Oh don’t worry, silly people, this isn’t going to be an all out rant about Skeletor [ no one could read for that long without a break], it’s just a few observations about her appearance from the knees down.

Scroll all the way down. What the fuck? Her feet are practically arched overher toes! That’s like stubbing your toe, crashing onto the ground and then springing back up to do it all over again! And look at her heels. Shoes a bit too big for ye love? Couldn’t find any heel grips? Or is it that you have to buy your Louboutins a couple of sizes bigger to accommodate your wide feet the fact that they are just always made in very narrow fittings? Either way, you look stupid, the shoes look stupid on you, ffs, you’ll never convince me that out of the approx 1,000 other pairs of heels [Skeletor doesn’t own flats] that you have, that seriously, not a single other one of them would’ve looked better? Perhaps it would’ve been a starting point for an appropriate outfit to take your boys to Universal Studios in, yes, the same Universal Studios where even you might normal people spend hours walking around, seeing the sights, going on the rides etc, you know, enjoying themselves.

I’ve another word. ‘Pathetic’. Pathetic that you donned this outfit for what other people would describe as maybe an exciting, only happens once in a blue moon type day [let’s not go into the fact that Skeletor can go wherever she wants, whenever etc]. How sad that you can’t take a day off from being the ‘you’ that is what us, the public see. I’m not even getting into the fact that gossip mags etc lap up any kind of picture, any chance to discuss your every move and then the flipside is that we, the Josephine Soaps, are, ahem, lucky enough to pour all over the published result in some kind of wishful thinking mode. No. It’s more like, how do I say this. You bore me. You bore me rigid. And by all accounts, you seem to bore yourself. This ‘outer image’ that you’ve so craftily built for yourself, what’s next? What’s underneath? A fashion designer – ha! don’t make me laugh, it’s well known that you put your name to stuff and don’t do a tap of designing.

So, if you’re not officially a pop star anymore either.. are you just a Mom? Do you want to ‘just’ be a Mom? Why not? Do it, but live a little. Try some uggs and a hoodie. Maybe you’d look like a Mom and not a clothes hanger. Try taking the kids to Nando’s for some Piri Piri chicken, the one with the skin on and actually eating it. There’s another thing. Oh yeah! A smile! Paparazzi have been following you for years, are you not so, so tired of even seeing yourself with that same rigid, grimace on your face? Are your kids not sick of seeing it? Wishing perhaps at the same time you’d go on a ride with them at the funfair? Be able to run to the next ride, kick a flamin’ football with them. Heck, standing on grass, even on the sideline to watch them kick a football without complaining that your heels have sunk into the ground, while smiling is probably top of their wish list. If that’s true, be ashamed, Skeletor, continue to be non smiling, wear your skyscraper heels to inappropriate places and carry your bag on your elbow so it enhances your pose. Just don’t try to convince anyone that you really, really have to keep up this image for their sake. It’s just all about you, eh, Skeletor?

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2 responses to “Crunch Time

  1. Comparing ourselves with others is almost the entirety of human misery. We’re not supposed to follow in Victoria Beckham;s foot steps, and she doesn’t want to. Hitler has inspired the most biographies but that doesn’t mean readers want to be Hitler. Victori Beckham is up there with the all-time greats like Hitler, Castro, Geoff Boycott, Jane Fonda and Skeletor.

  2. even princess diana had her “out with my boys” wardrobe and did we love her any less….no!!
    the shoes made me chuckle.

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