*small voice* hi. how are you? it’s me, Glitter. you remember me, huh? say you do, cos i’m glad you’re here. i’m here too. now. i wasn’t here cos there was big stuff and things going on. horrible, i-feel-sick-at-the-thought-of-having-to-do-this kind of things. you know when you have a date – no that that kind, silly! – no, like a date for something to happen. something whereby you know that it’s not going to be nice, you know that you have to be in a certain place at a certain time and you know that someone else is going to be there too? someone you’d gladly never see again in your life. someone from the past that made you so unhappy, someone you never want to never set eyes on again? someone you’d easily bundle into a car, dump in the middle of nowhere and leave to rot in hell? perhaps getting most satisfaction from throwing a mobile and laptop at them knowing that there isn’t coverage for hundreds of miles. and then upon wolf whistling up to the high ground, smile as the vultures come in to sight.
there wasn’t direct eye contact. i avoided it, concentrating on breathing instead. and then it was over. for now.
but it actually wasn’t as bad as i thought it’d be. in truth, it went better than i thought it could. i was soo glad when i got to leave the room, breathe without thinking again. and i smiled when My Other Dad, my moral support for the day, laughed at something that had been said. and then we laughed at something else that’d been said. and then we went to the pub, propped ourselves up on the high stools. he needed a coffee, i needed a bourbon. we paused in silence. and then after i took a huge swig of alcohol, i sighed, turned to My Other Dad and told him i was ok.