Conniving Carla wants things her way or you pay the consequence. Carla was never the most popular girl is school, nor was she the prettiest, but by now, she’s dragged herself up by the bootstraps [designer] and is never going to compromise again. We all know a Carla, or ‘That Bitchy Wan’ as she’s more commonly referred to as. And there’s something about her that you just can’t put your finger on, but you know that behind those heavily made up eyes, there’s a chain of thought happening that spells a whole lot of trouble.
She’s the girl you remember from school, but only just, and boy does she look different now! All legs and tan [real] and designer this and designer that – she’s friends with Andrea Roche and apparently had Shane Ward sing for her at her lavish birthday celebrations. And someone said that she went out with that guy who’s in that Jane Austen adaptation – but it didn’t last long as she found him and his actor mates a bit boring after a while [came back to Dublin with her tail between her legs more like!].
Bumping into her in BT, you’re not prepared in the slightest for the barrage of questions she fires at you;
‘Dahling! Mwah, mwah. It’s been forever! How are you? What have you bought? Oooh, I bought that straight from the studio 6 months ago, has it been discounted already? I’ve worn mine twice and gave it to one of those charity shops last week; such a needy cause. Dahling! Whatever have you got on your face? – cue out and out panic – oh! silly me, it’s just that your mascara has come off a bit. Oh, sorry! I’ll just take that call – “Yes. Yes. NO! No, that’s not good enough, I ordered peonies AND lilies as they both need to form the archway that little Saoirse will walk through! Change the order!”
‘Sorry Dahling, it’s so trying dealing with people. Oh! You must come! It’s Saoirse’s First Holy Communion on Saturday and we’re having drinks! Don’t worry, the kids will be out of the way by 5, so come then! I’ll text you the address! Must go! Ciao’.
Saturday, 5pm, feeling sick and you’re standing in very large driveway in need of a very large drink – the scene is like what you imagine the ‘other room’ of people at a charity do is like. All preening and poking, fixing hair and checking teeth at every opportunity, in case they have a shot at a photo for ‘Social & Personal’.
Then you see Carla working the expensively manicured lawn. She spots a glamorous blonde in a fabulous dress and you expect the blonde to explode through the sheer rage coming from Carla’s eyes. She goes over to the handsome chap by the ice sculpture and has to pull up short as an unattractive girl slips her arm around his, but he’s probably still good for a go later on she thinks. Then while she nearly puts the Priest’s eyes out with her bosom, she just smiles a false smile and moves on. You then overhear her asking about Rory that works in the IFSC and when Sandra confirms he’s engaged, poor old Sandra is left to think about whether she should really change her hair like Carla suggested afterall. What, oh what, is this girl cooking up next? With her you never know and you don’t particularly want to. You just want to be there to laugh when it all falls down around her.