Picture the scene, I was in a Spar or Centra or somewhere and just fancied a hot chicken sambo. There was a ‘guy’ and a ‘girl’ in front of me in the queue. The guy was in a tacksuit, runners, puffa jacket, you know, the manky kind and when he turned, he even looked like he spoke with a speech impediment [or a really horrendous accent, take your pick]. I was nearly blinded by the shiny gold ring on his wedding finger that also actually seemed to have ‘diamonds’ in it.
He gestured something at the girl behind the counter.
‘Certainly Sir, what would you like in the baguette?’
‘Chips? Just chips, Sir?’
‘Eeehh curry sauce’
‘Chips and curry sauce, sir? Is that it?’
‘Eehh cheese.. d’ye haaave grahed cheese?
‘No Sir, just sliced’
‘Righ, eehh… d’ye have onion? Here, can ye put ih ina tray?’
‘Em, yes Sir, we ha…’ WHHOOOSSSHHHH! Suddenly I was nearly knocked over with the breeze created by the girl moving her head while wearing the feckin biggest earrings I’d ever seen. Then I saw what she was ordering – a roll that had two greasy fried eggs sitting on top of some chips, cheese and tomatoes. Then I got distracted wondering if the bit of material around her arse was meant to be a skirt and how had she tied her hair up so tightly, anyway, yer man decided he was happy with his order, she grabbed her anti Atkins meal and the two of them headed off to rob some cans to wash it down with pay at the till.
I blinked to make sure I had witnessed this pair ordering food. Then I thought about how wonderful love is and how these two seem so suited. Ahem. Sure if you’re lucky you’ll see a pair just like them at the end of your Friday night out in the local kebab shop!