AAAten- shun!

Oh I do like a nice military jacket! I have to say, it’s one of my favourite looks – sharp, edgy jacket with skinny jeans and boots with a heel just begs for a ‘I know I look great’ attitude. Back when I was a teenager in 1842 and not exactly living near Camden Market or the Portobello Road, there was a distinct lack of the kind of clothes I wanted to wear available in Smalltown. I did once resort to buying a man’s blazer in a charity shop and then fashioning epaulets out of gold material and sewing fringing that was actually meant for curtain ties into the kind of thing I wanted. I also managed to somehow find a gold brooch that resembled a type of battlefield medal and I looped some different gold rope-y kind of stuff that I also found in the local haberdashery store between one shoulder and the collar. Oh, I loved that jacket! And you couldn’t really see the sewing stitches unless you were really, really close up!

Nowadays however, Military jackets are pretty much a staple of manys the A/W collection. Oh you young ‘uns don’t know how easy you have it! I particularly like this one, pictured. From Laura Whitmore’s Impulse Bodyspray Collection, available in all A-Wear stores, this jacket ticks all the boxes! Great shape, big shoulders as seen everywhere this A/W, fab button detail and a not to be sniffed at price of just €70!

Wondering where you know the name Laura Whitmore from? Recognise the face? Laura’s currently an MTV presenter – ah, now you know her! – this is her first foray in fashion as the face of the Impluse Bodyspray Collection for A-Wear. I think she looks fab in these pics, mind, you’d need an awful lot of Elnett to keep that hair in place in Whelan’s at 2am on a Saturday night, but I can see many of you trying anyway!

This collection has been available in A-Wear since mid August and Impulse have also set up a ’street blog’ where you can see pix of the more fashionable among us as they eh, wander down the street! Have a look and who knows, you might be posing for the blog soon!

Boo Hoo for Jordan.. Not!

I’ve reserved writing about this piece of trash for some time now. In my aim to present both sides of the argument, on one side, I will say unashamedly say that Katie ‘Jordan’ Price appears to be a very clever and astute businesswoman. Well, she’s worth something around the £30m mark and she’s only in her early 30’s, is a self made, one woman operation that has diversified and multiplied the brand name that is Katie Price to become one of the most well known ‘celebrity’ figures around right now.

On the other hand, she’s a slapper. She started off making money from glamour shots of her taken from every angle and for a hefty sum, these pix made it into every type of rag magazine that feature such ‘glamourous’ pix. She did the Playboy centrefold. Morally, you judge where this lies against say, the girl that sat beside her in school that’s now a policewoman or an accountant. The humongous and plastic and attention seeking Jordan wanted more, so she forced her double F’s or whatever into people’s faces and nothing was beneath her as she embarked on a quest for fame and money that sent the most hardened paparazzi into a spin. No nightclub was too trashy for her to fall out of at 3am, no male not worthy of being groped, no brand name was giving her too little money to plug, no one was going to get in her way. And just when we thought we’d seen it all, Brand Jordan went into overdrive. 

It’s literally staggering how much stuff you can buy with this slag’s far-too-made-up face, false hair extensions, false eyelashes and false fingernails emblazoned all over. I did say she’s clever, she knows how to and when to make the money [Well? What on earth will she look like in 15 years time when she's literally the oldest slag on the heap]. And then there’s always the several installments long of her ‘Autobiography’ so far….

I actually don’t feel like I can type about yer man Plastic Pecs the soon to be ex Mr Jordan. We’ve seen them together. They met. They made us cringe. Then they made us vomit when they got married. And now they’re getting divorced. And SHE’S the one doing all the wrong things. I don’t begrudge her a ‘holiday’ but this happened to coincide with her writhing all over an Ibiza beach shooting for her new calendar. And sure the light wouldn’t be great after dark, so she ‘went on for a few drinks’ in between wearing the various wee bits of string she posed in for the calendar and took off some clothes to relax in.

Or as we’d say in this part of the country – she went on the complete batter, fell out of every pub and club, made no bones about the fact that she’d a grope along the way and no doubt she also threw up into her designer handbag [that the luckiest  nearest fella in the previous 5 minutes got to carry for her] at some point along the way. A fine example of a Mom of 3 in hr early 30’s, no?

The blabbing or blubbing to Piers Morgan last weekend in a finely crafted interview did her no favours. No favours what so ever. I don’t feel sorry for her that she was dumped [dumped by Peter Andre, oh the shame!]. She pissed me off by forlornly looking over her false eyelashes claiming how it was breaking her heart, but it took her all of 5 minutes to claim that ‘Pricey was back on the market! Look out boys!’ And I certainly don’t feel sorry for her that she miscarried a few weeks before the separation was announced – she admitted there were a lot of problems in the marriage, they’d had counseling etc, eh, not exactly the right time for another kid, love. Hopefully that little soul will go to a stable family. She’s hates the paparazzi! Newsflash! She wishes they’d leave her alone! Oh. My. God. How pathetic, like that’s going to happen when you court them to such excess that even the late Princess Di would’ve been embarrassed. And rumour has it that she was paid £100,000 for this latest tell all interview.

Oh! Those poor kids! Being touted out for more pix every time they’re passed from Malicious Mommy to ‘Destraught’ Dad before each parent can resume their normal jobs of seeking attention while the nannies take over. We can only hope that when Princess Tiamii [Jesus! That poor, poor child] and Junior grow up that they use their trust funds wisely to stay as far away from Mommy and Daddy as possible. I presume Harvey, Jordan’s eldest and profoundly disabled child will no longer be ‘cute enough’ to parade for the cameras and he’ll be in a 24/7 care home.

Have you guessed which side of the Love Katie / Hate Jordan debate I stand? And finally, just how easily did ‘Katie’ slip back into being ‘Jordan’, with most Press referring to her as such now? For a while she was ‘Katie’, she nearly had us fooled but a string bikinied, pneumatic boobed slapper won’t ever change it’s spots.

Pic via Perez Hilton

Specs Appeal

I wear glasses because, darn it, I’m short sighted, I need them! I was 9 when my teacher in school noticed I kept leaning over to read whatever the girl beside me was writing down from the blackboard – I’m guessing that I was also leaning over for a bit of a chat, but sure that’d hardly surprise you!

I’ve toyed with the idea of getting my eyes lasered, but I’m just a bit chicken and even though I know lots of people that have had it done, the smell of burning eye bits that has been confirmed to me is more than a little off putting!

I wear my glasses most days, contacts when I’m going out. I’ve never really minded wearing glasses, if I’m honest, and I’ve been told by many a male that I look good in glasses, so that’s hardly a bad thing! I couldn’t wear contacts all day in work, what with being glued to an old pc monitor and all. And the thing is, I’m a lot older now so would I really take anyone that took a pop at my for being a ’speccy 4 eyes’ seriously anymore? He he, I’m laughing to myself as I haven’t even heard that for ages, let alone use it! Much more of a kids in the playground thing.

One person that got more than his fair share off the school bullies is Gok Wan – poor Gok was an overweight, speccy 4 eyes! Now as we all know, Gok has come out of his cocoon to become one of the most stylish and dare I say witty fashion bods around. Good old Gok – it’s been documented how unhappy he was with his weight and how he struggled to fit in – but he’s definitely come full circle and is easily in a position to stick two fingers up to the bullies as he sashays from place to place helping girlies with their wardrobe woes.

Now Gok is also teaming up with Specsavers and anti bullying charity Kidscape to launch the 2009, ‘Irish Spectacle Wearer of the Year’! Are you a trendy Triona that always keeps her specs to hand? A stylish Sinead? A natty Niamh? Or a very attractive Aoife that can’t do without your specs either? Enter the competition! The prizes are truly eye popping with a modelling contract, a photoshoot and a trip to Thailand and much more!

And, the gorgeous Gok will be in Dublin to judge the final! Now, how many times have you seen Gok transform a plain Jane into a fabulous Fiona and think that 5 minutes with him would lead to the biggest transformation since David Banner became The HulkCinderella  met her Fairy Godmother! I’ve often wondered how Gok would approach me, if he got his hands on my wardrobe so to speak! I don’t even know where he’d start [says she that can hear her Mother now saying 'I don't know why you insist on wearing so much black like all the time'].

Would you like a Gok-over’? What do you think he’d reckon to your sense of style. And more importantly, if the tables were turned and you could put Gok on the spot, what would you ask him? Would you ask him which celebrity he fancies, who he think has the best sense of style or who he’s absolutely crying out to restyle? Or, you simply might like to know if he’s a boxers or briefs man. Put your questions to Gok here and you never know, that very question might be posed to Gok by yours truly when’s he’s in town!

Don’t forget the competition! Entries by 30th June, that’s a week’s time

Same goes for your questions to Gok, send them to me at the contact address, glitterseeglitterdo@yahoo.com

Right Up Her Street

When I read about this recently, I did chuckle. It’s neither the funniest thing ever said or done, nor has it changed my life. It just made me think that given the situation, I might say something similar.

Michelle Obama has been thrust into a spotlight so bright and overwhelming, that her day to day routine now as First Lady is far from what would be described as ‘normal’ and one I will never experience. There have been thousands of column inches written about her style, her background, her life with Obama before he became President, how she combined her quite frankly overachieving Ivy League career with having two daughters, her focus on wanting to be a mother that just wants to get on with other things as well.

I, for one, am not going to knock her, although plenty have already poo-pooed her desire to fit in helping out at local homeless shelters while also swanning around in $400 dollar Lanvin runners, her ‘I just fished this out of the back of the wardrobe outfit for a Vogue feature’ attitude to materialism while ruthlessly sizing up and being vocal about her husband’s opponents in the run up to the election.

Cast all that aside. What she said recently while giving a speech to the US Mission to the UN in New York, was that appearing on Sesame Street, getting to hang out with Elmo and Big Bird was probably the best thing that’s happened to her since moving to the White House! She really did say that! Now this post isn’t about to turn into a saccharin coated gush of affection for Mrs O, it’s just me saying that, well, that was a kinda cool thing to say. A bit geeky, a bit ‘Girlfriend you need a cocktail!’, a bit sappy and if I was a complete cynic, I’d say a bit too contrived, but also one of those things whereby a seemingly genuine person, that is perfectly likeable got to do something that nearly all of us would love to do! Really, who wouldn’t want to hang out on Sesame Street with Elmo, Big Bird and all the rest of the gang?!

Everyone’s Girl Friday

There was an escape from Glitter Towers recently, whereby we took ourselves into town, best clothes on cos we were going somewhere very nice and meeting our favourite girl, Una Norris from Carrickstown, for a bit of a chat. I was soo nervous meeting my heroine but it the interests of good journalism, I took a deep breath and pressed play on my dictaphone!

GK: Una, great to meet you! How are you today?

Una: Oh, I’m grand, noh a bodder! It’s lovely here isn’t it? I was dead nervous coming into The Shelbourne n’ all. It’s so posh! And I was worried dere’d be chewin gum on me skirt, the buses into town can be filtee!

GK: So Una, how about I ask you some questions and it’ll be like a quick fire round, just say what comes into your head!

Una: Like ‘Family Fortunes? Or ‘Murphy’s Micro Quiz’? I used to loove dem! Go ahead! 

GK: Ok, whatever comes into your head! Favourite colour?

Una: Pink! Oh yeah! Definitely Pink.

GK: Favourite Place?

Una: Oh, eh.. I don’t know! Wih me fella Keih I suppose! Oh he’ll kill me for saying dat! On de beach in Tenereefey maybe

GK: Favourite Film?

Una: Dat’s Easy! ‘Pretty Woman’ It’s soo rosemantic!

GK: Favourite Drink?

Una: G and T, ice an’ a sli-iss, plee-ase

GK: Una, what do you like to do on your day off?

Una: Well, it doesn’t seem like I geh many a dem! Even on me days off I seem to do nothin but tidy up de fla’, wha?I dunno. I s’pose I like te do a bit a shoppin, meet one a de girls under Clery’s clock, dere’s lovely stuff in Clery’s. I got a whole new bedspread and pillowcase set dere in de sale. Maybe have a bih of a bite te eat in de Kylemore. And den I like te go home, get a takeaway and a DVD.

GK: Una, what did you want to be when you grew up?

Una: Oh, dat’s easy! A hairdresser! And sure I am one! I got a Girl’s World for Chrissstmas when I was 6 and I spent hours, hours I tell ye, brushin her hair an’ puttin on lipstick. But me Ma told me that people’s hair would always grow and dat not everyone wears make up, so I decided to be a hairdresser. And sure I’m good at de ole make up too dough!

GK: How would other people describe you?

Una: Oh God! I dunno. I’d like if dey tought I was a nice person. It’s nice te be nice. Me granny always said I had a heart o’ go-ilt, now I dunno about dat, but I like when people smile n not be all angry, so I’d try te geh dem to see sense, y’know?

GK: I get you Una! And definitely I think people would say you do have a heart of gold!

Una: Tanks very much! God! I’m blushin! Wha’s de next question! Quick!

GK: Una, what do you think of when I say the name ‘Keith’ to you?

Una: Stoppeh! I’m blushin even more now! Morto I am! I just tink of de time he axed me te marry him! He walked into McCoy’s, dat’s me no our local an’ he had a bunch a balloo-ins, all hearts and de ones that float. An he tol-ilt de whole world, well the people dere at de time, dat he loved me and wanted te marry me. An de ring was ah de end of de string. An den he got down on one knee, all formal loike, an when he looked straigh ah me, I just knew ih was meant te be!

GK: Una, have yourself and Keith decided where you’ll get married?

Una: No [shakes head], noh yet. I’d love if we went te Rome an’ maybe even saw de Pope. But I tink Keih says he wants te save money for a rainy day, so it’ll probably be in Dubalin, somewhere nice but just a small weddin’, it’d be more special dat way.

GK: And Una, will you still work after you get married?

Una: Oh yeah! Sure de bills won’t pay demselves! An’ I loike te tink of meself as an independent girl who can buy her own stuff. I mean, I love my Keih, bu’ a girl has te look after herself too y’know. An’ anyway, it’s importan’ te not be leanin’ on someone lese for stuff, money stuff, even if he is yer husbint.

At that point Una’s phone rang and when she smiled as soon as she spoke I knew if could only be one person on the other end of the line, Keith! I leaned in a bit closer and I heard her saying she was picking up travel brochures. Maybe Una’s going to get her dream wedding and dream honeymoon after all! I hope so.

Sasha Fierce? Snoozerama Fierce More Like

So, after a big MySpace launch and PR generated gossip, Sasha Fierce is upon us. Who? I hear you ask. Well, Beyonce has decided that it’s time the whole world has to put up with knew exactly who she is. To quote the lady herself, ‘I have someone else that takes over when it’s time for me to work and when I’m on stage, [Sasha Fierce] that I’ve created that kind of protects me and who I really am’. Oh puurrlease! She goes on to say, ‘Sasha Fierce is the fun, more sensual, more aggressive, more outspoken side and more glamorous side that comes out when I’m working and when I’m on the stage’.

Yep, another ego has landed. Why is it that overrated and totally selfinflating ideas above stations come to light? Beyonce is a very successful singer, has many millions of single and album sales to her name, and leading a seemingly clean enough life, does make her a role model for younger girls, girls that know they have to work hard to achieve success – that I will acknowledge. But what’s with the alter ego thing? If I achieved all I ever wanted I’d want everyone to know it was me! I’m not even going to get into the conversation about that ridiculous attempt at manly persuasions known as Puff Diddy Daddy Bling Bling [depending on what day it is], as he is clearly one of the most deluded examples of why you shouldn’t surround yourself with ‘yes’ men. And no matter what he wants, the name on his passport still says ‘Sean’.

So, imagine if we all decided that we wanted to change our names to something that ‘reflects our personality’? Or to something that others thought reflected our personalities! The reality would be far from the glamourous name that Ms Knowles has decided upon; in the playground there’d be ‘I pick my nose and eat it, Brennan and ‘I wet my pants’ O’Dowd. Getting older, you’d have teenagers like ‘I have STDs’ McCarthy and ‘I’ll shag any of ye’ Fitzgerald. By the time you reach your 20’s and beyond, it’d be more like ‘Use and abuse’ Nugent, ‘Sad and lonely’ Doyle, ‘I’m a scammer’ O’Leary and ‘Anything, I’ll drink it’ McGrath. And you’d have awful problems filling out forms and getting paid. Walk down to the bank and try and open up an account under the name ‘I eat children for breakfast and so does my accountant’ and then you’ll know all about it! Could you imagine a priest, standing at the alter asking ‘Do you, ‘It’s all my Mammy’s fault I’m like this’ Mooney, take ‘I’d marry anyone cos the children need food’ Kernan…’?! The poor man wouldn’t get through the ceremony!

Now, you might be asking how I, Glitterkitty, could not be accused of the same, but I’ll let you into a secret *whisper* that’s not what it says on my passport and it’s not what my Glittery Mammy calls me, it’s not even what other people mentioned in this blog call me, but it only exists to keep their secrets safe!   

Chipshop Katona – where to start?

It’s a good question, right? Kerry Katona’s life is a total, recorded for all to see, car crash. The fact that she found fame with girl band Atomic Kitten seems so long ago [it was 2001] that you’d be forgiven for not remembering she was once a singer [having previously been a stripper]. The fact that she’s probably snorted half the coke in South America, been in rehab for ahem, depression and admittedly smoked her way through at least her last [and fourth] pregnancy alone is enough to get her a whole episode with Jeremy Kyle. Another one could be devoted to the fact that she’s lucky she still has her youngest kids, the two older girls being mostly brought up by her first husband’s family. But when she opens her mouth and you realise that she has to be the most common type of slag you could find, everything falls into place. Throw in the fact that her latest paid ‘work’ is for allowing £15,000 worth of lipsuction to be filmed and it just becomes an endless stream of what can she do next?

To me, it’s very hard to justify that this chavvy, slutty, loudmouth who’s grating voice is like fingernails going down a chalkboard, who’s idea of important world events consist of a continued slagging match with Jordan in the tabloids, is 1] a celebrity [and I use the term very loosely] and 2] that she has made millions on the back of being one of the most horrible people ever spawned.

Her recent MTV reality ‘show’ consisted of herself and her second husband roaring and shouting at each other across the kitchen table in true common as muck style, she denying everything reported about her in the tabloids or being in the back of the car whinging about not being able to stay in bed all day. He’s rude and arrogant, she’s a moany cow, there doesn’t seem to be a brain cell between them, yet you get the impression that she really believes that she should be treated like a queen!

This video, from a live TV daytime show earlier this week, says it all. Watch it and you’ll practically see the words ‘I’m a Drunken Mess’ tattooed across her forehead.

**Update** This appearance on ‘This Morning’ has been the talking point in today’s papers. While I acknowledge that Kerry may have only been on prescription medication, like she says, she should just disappear for a bit and sort herself out. She’s had several trips to rehab for various things but if she really wants to get better she needs time away from the Press and should live her life without a camera crew trailing her every move. I personally don’t think she’ll do this because she’s nothing but a fame whore that would do anything for a bit of cash and a camera flash.

Bubble Hair, Bubble Brain

Buxom Kelly Brook, that serial dater of serial daters has been gushing about her new man, Rugby’s next big, ahem, thing, Danny Cipriani. They’ve been dating a month, have been seen all over town kissing and canoodling, Kell’s had a new bed delivered to her flat and well, aren’t you soo excited for them?!
Kelly has said in an interview that she’s looking for a guy who’s ‘cute and quiet.. yeah, handsome, quiet and good in bed.. well, actually, just handsome would do for now, I don’t want anything too challenging’.
Well! That’s a shocker for sure! The girl who had problems pronouncing words like ‘sarcastic’ when reading her Big Breakfast autocue isn’t up for a challenge. I wonder if that includes people who ask her to choose the restaurant? Or people who ask which she’d prefer, a ring or a necklace? My brain just won’t stop me wondering if she even knows who’s in power in Britain or the US, her homes of choice. When I see this girl, all that springs to mind is her squeezing her boobs together, finger against her lips while she giggles ‘I don’t know!’ when faced with any kind of interaction with any type of person.
And for anyone else that didn’t know, that had seen her plastered over magazines and gossip pages recently, doing tv interviews etc, someone has actually hired her to be in a West End play. That’s why her dizzy mugshot is all over town. Busy nights ahead for her prompter then.

What have you done, Sammy Jo?

Another Sleb, another circus of drink, drugs, roll’n’roll and Santa Barbara roadside chats with the cops. Quite frankly, on the surface we’ve heard it all before, Heather - and we’ve been through so much with you! The big hair, the pearly whites, the dangerous men and the dangerously low tops you favour, but we didn’t think you’d let us down like this.

We wanted to be you when you got the guys and we wanted to be your friend when you told all the details – and Sammy Jo certainly stirred up a whole heap of hormones in those itty bitty plaid shirts while striding out on her magnificent white horse. Sure, for fecks sake! One flick of that mane and the collective sound of men hitting the floor registered on the Reichter Scale!

We were there when you decided to partner up with TJ ‘Captain Kirk’ Hooker and that goofy looking sidekick guy. We shrieked with delight when you caught the baddies without losing your lipstick. We knew that when you moved to Melrose place you sure were going to shake things up in that quiet neighbourhood and you didn’t disappoint us! Then after all your conniving got you a job in Spin City, well, we kinda lost you for a bit cos even though you still had the hair, damn, girlfriend, we kept just wanting you to eat something! Your tiny but perfectly shaped ass needed some carbs!

We were kinda shocked when you got together with that Tommy Lee Anderson guy for a whole ten years before he moved onto your younger sis, Pammy. We didn’t even say anything when you got it together with that Ritchie Guns n Roses guy with hair to rival yours, but you two were cute together, so we let it pass until he hoped over the garden fence to make out with Denise ‘Christmas only comes once a year’ Richards.

And now these stories that you still haven’t given up the drink and prescription drugs! We told you ages ago that Sammy Jo would never have gotten into this state – Alexis would throw her into a Renegade Rehab quicker that she would Sable into the swimming pool if she knew! And she’d plant drugs on you too, oh, that’d serve you right, missy!

I can’t help but hope that this whole episode isn’t just you playing a character from a made for tv weepy movie. You know, the only kinda work you’ve been getting lately. In this pic you really look like the beaten up wife, whose drunken husband stole the family food coupons before he picked up the town ho. And when he turns up dead in the swamp, you get arrested for it, cos you was cussing him in the general store that day, but in fact, it turns out that the local priest did it cos, knowing how beautiful you still were, he didn’t think you deserved a lyin’, cheatin’ husband like that no more. Either that or your luck ran out and you might have to get a reality check girlie. Sort yourself out!

Mommy, Will I Look Like That When I Grow Up?

This image literally attacked my eyes in my local shop when all I did was go in for twenty fags and a packet of Hula Hoops. Look at her! LOOK AT HER! Apparently she lives on this planet, the same planet that you and I live on. Yet, she looks so different to what my mirror and me see, when we want to see each other, that is.

Where in the name of bazookas did she get those things? That grocery store should be penalised for making a slip of a thing like her carry such huge watermelons! Although, I’ve heard this girl attempt to speak and bless, she doesn’t seem like she can also carry a big old brain as well as half the contents of the Tesco veg aisle. As for those knickers! Well, I presume she calls them knickers, I would refers to what she has around her arse as a serviette for mice going on a picnic. That is all. *Faints in need of some carbs*